Miraculous Marriage

What is the toughest job you have ever had?

Mine has been and is being a husband.

Marriage is hard work so if you don’t want to work don’t get married!

It takes a miracle for a marriage to really work.

Now, let’s define a miracle. It is an extraordinary event that shows God is intervening.

You and your spouse CAN NOT make your marriage work and make it what it is meant to be.

It takes you, your spouse and - JESUS.

In Matthew 19:3-10 some Pharisees come and ask Jesus if it is “lawful” for a man to divorce his wife. Jesus tells them it was the Father’s will from the beginning that marriage be a life long relationship. That it is to be a relationship where the two people become one. God then has joined them together and no person has authority to separate them. The Pharisees ask Jesus why Moses then established divorce and Jesus tells them it was because of , people’s hard hearts. Jesus says, “That anyone who divorces his wife except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

The disciples say, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

In other words the disciples were saying, “Marriage is too hard. It’s better to stay single.”

It takes a miracle!

What are the biblical characteristics of marriage?

Hebrews 13:4
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Characteristic #1: Honor

We are to honor marriage. The marriage relationship was established by God and we are to honor it.

We are each to honor our spouse. We are to see them and treat them as the most valuable human blessing we have. We are to treat them as precious.

We are to honor the God who created marriage. We do that by fulfilling the commitments we made to our spouse in God’s presence.

Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Characteristic #2: Intimacy

We are to have social intimacy with our spouse by sharing ideas and opinions.

We are to have emotional intimacy with our spouse by sharing dreams and goals.

We are to have physical intimacy with our spouse by sharing our bodies. We need to hold hands, hug, and have sex.

I am very afraid that the church has convinced many people over the years that sex is wrong and dirty. Well, when God told Adam and Eve to fill the earth, He meant have sex. It is the only way to produce children.

Please, remember God created sex and everything God created, when used in the way God told us to use it, is good.

Sex is awesome!

Also remember that if you are not building social and emotional intimacy, you will not have great physical intimacy.

Genesis 2:25
Both the man and the woman were naked, yet felt no shame.

Characteristic #3: Wonder

No, I don’t mean wonder like, “I wonder why they did that.” I mean wonder like WOW! I mean wonder like seeing your spouse in awe.

Your spouse needs to be your best friend. With them you share you deepest dreams, your deepest desires, your deepest secrets, your deepest joys, and your deepest fears.

You need to be constantly studying your spouse and learning about them. You need to work toward a PHD in knowing your spouse.

Each day should be a day when you thank God for the gift of your spouse. Yes, even those days when you don’t like their behavior or attitude.

Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church - He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church submits to Christ, as also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Characteristic #4: Respect

We normally read “wives submit to your husbands” and stop. When we do that, we miss the real truth of this passage.

Wives are to submit as we, the church submits to Jesus as our Savior. I don’t submit to Jesus out of fear, abuse or domination. I submit because I love Jesus so much for dying on the cross for my sins I want Him who loves me like that to have control of my life.

Wives are to respect their husbands out of a desire to show them how much they love them. A husband needs the respect of his wife. That is the number one emotional need of a man: to feel respected. When a wife respects her husband, it fills him up and makes him feel valuable.

This respect is unconditional. It is not a respect that has to be earned. Respect in the work place, in friendships, or in leadership is earned, but in a marriage relationship the wife should respect her husband out of faith in God and a desire to please Him.

Ephesians 5:25-28
As for the husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. He did this to make her holy by washing her in a bath of water with the word. He did this to present Himself with a splendid church, one without any sort of stain or wrinkle on her clothes, but rather one that is holy and blameless. That’s how husbands ought to love their wives - in the same way as they do their own bodies. Anyone who loves his wife loves himself.

Characteristic #5: Love

Husbands are to love their wives. They are to love them, not any old way they want, but as Jesus loves His church.

This is unconditional love. Love that gives themselves to the other person. Love that put the needs of the other before their own. Love that sacrifices for the other person.

James 1:19
Remember this, my dear friends! Everyone must be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Characteristic #6: Communicate

Lead with your ears.

Follow up in love with your mouth.

Let anger straggle along way in the rear.

James is saying: communicate, communicate, communicate. Communicate is listening first and then speaking. You can never communicate too much.

The most frequently used illustration for the relationship that God wants with us as His people is the marriage relationship.

Your marriage Does Not belong to you: it belongs to Jesus.

The marriage problem we face in our culture is not one of:
Faithfulness
Compatibility
Love
Communication

The marriage problem we have in culture is one of surrendering to God’s will and obeying Him.

I personally know the awesome gift that marriage is. My wife is married to one of the most stubborn, work-focused, at times thoughtless men who exists. She has been my wife, when for 41 years; that‘s devotion. I know what is to neglect a precious gift of God and almost lose it. I know the joy of God healing, restoring and redeeming that gift and making it better than it has ever been. I know what it feels like to be genuinely unconditionally loved and respected beyond anything I deserve. I also know what it is like to love another person more than I love myself and to joyfully give myself to that person. All of this is not from Jan and Joe. All of this is from Jesus.

Raising the Roof and Removing the Walls is Jesus make your marriage:
one that honors Him and each other
one that is intimate
one in which unconditional respect is shared
one in which unconditional love is shared
one where wonder and awe fill your days
one where conflict leads to communication
one where forgiveness is not withheld
one where snuggling on the couch is the norm.

Do Jan and I still have conflicts? - YES!

But because we are allowing Jesus to Raise the Roof and Remove the Walls that conflicts are temporary, not fatal.

Together Raising the Roof and Removing the Walls
Joe