In Ephesians 5:21-33 Paul gives us five principles that make a God- honoring marriage. If a marriage does not contain these characteristics, it does not mean the marriage won’t survive. it means it is not a marriage that reflects the truth and character of God.
Ephesians 5:21
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Principle #1: A God-honoring marriage features mutual submission.
The concept is that marriage is not made up of one dominant person and one subordinate person. It is made up of two people mutually and voluntarily submitting to one another.
My focus as a husband is to submit my desires so that I can better help, encourage, and support my wife. My wife’ s focus is to submit her desires so she can better help, encourage, and support me.
We don’t do this just because we love each other; we also do it out of reverence for Jesus. We submit to each other because we want to obey Jesus.
Raise the Roof and Remove the Walls is having a marriage where both spouses submit to each other out their mutual love for Jesus.
Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so alsso wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Principle #2: Wives are to give unconditional respect to their husbands.
We talk a lot about unconditional love in the church.
We talk very little about unconditional respect in the church.
Wives are to show unconditional respect to their husbands because they are their husbands.
It has already been established that we are to mutually submit to one another, so what is Paul telling wives to do in this passage? He is telling them to respect their husbands without any conditions placed on showing that respect.
Why are wives told to show unconditional respect to their husbands?
First, because that is the number one thing a man needs from his wife.
Men are wired by God to need respect, and the most important person we need respect from is our wives.
Second, women are wired to love, and showing respect does not come naturally, so God commands wives to do it. Women are not told to love their husbands because that is natural for them to do; thus no command is necessary.
When a women shows unconditional respect to her husband, he perceives that respect as being loved by his wife.
Notice three important things.
This respect is not a respect that is earned. It is a respect given by virtue of the man being her husband. In any other area of life, respect is to be earned but in the husband/wife relationship, respect is given simply because her husband is her husband.
This respect is given to her husband and only her husband. It is not a universal respect given by all women to all men. Sorry, you other guys: you have to earn my wife’s respect.
The husband is described as the head of the wife. This is not a position of privilege or authority. It is a position of responsibility.
The husband is the head of the wife as Jesus is head of the church. Jesus gave His life for the church. A wife is to respect the one who, as head, is willing to give his life for her.
Raise the Roof and Remove the Walls is a marriage where the wife unconditionally respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:25-30
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loves the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of His body.
Principle #3: Husbands are to give unconditional love to their wives.
The Greek word for love here is the word agape. Agape love is a love that has no conditions or boundaries. It is a love not because of something, but a love that is based on the choice to love.
Why does God command men to love their wives and not respect them?
Women are wired by God to need to be loved.
Women need to know that their husbands love them no matter what. They need to know that their husbands will love them not based on how they look, how they perform sexually, or what they do to make their husbands lives better. They need to know that their husbands love them because they are their wives.
By the way, guys, we are to love only our wives, not any other woman, with this unconditional love.
Paul show us two aspects of this love.
We are love our wives as Jesus loved the church and gave Himself for the church.
We are to love our wives as we as men love our bodies.
This love will be:
Passionate
Sacrificial
Timeless
Practical
Raise the Roof and Remove the Walls is a marriage where the husband loves his wife unconditionally.
Ephesians 5:31-33
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. However each also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband.
Principle #4: The marriage relationship becomes the primary human relationship in a person’s life.
The husband is to leave his father and mother. The tradition in Jewish families was for the couple to move in with the husband’s family. The wife automatically left her home, but not the husband. God is commanding that the focus of both the husband and wife be on each other, not either set of parents.
I have seen marriages pulled apart because:
One or both spouses didn’t leave father and mother and their primary focus was not on each other but on their parents.
One or both sets of parents didn’t let go and interfered with their children’s marriage.
One or both spouses focused on their children and not each other.
I love my children and now my grandchildren. But I raised my child to be an adult and to make his own life. God is not pleased when we raise our children to be dependent on us into their adult years. God is not pleased when we continue to be dependent on our parents when we are married adults.
Raise the Roof and Remove the Walls is, once we are married, that the marriage relationship becomes your primary human relationship.
Principle #5: The marriage relationship is to be a one-flesh relationship.
The term one-flesh means glued together.
The marriage relationship is where two people become one. That doesn’t mean we stop being who we are or that we lose our uniqueness.
It means that now my life is about us (Jesus, my spouse, and me).
It means that my marriage is a lifetime commitment.
It means that my spouse is my very best friend.
Raise the Roof and Remove the Walls is a marriage that is characterized by a one-flesh relationship.
Jesus, Jan, Joe Raising The Roof and Removing the Walls,
Joe
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